Today's news in brief:
Two Fridays in a row now we've not felt right making jokes about the news because literally there has been nothing but horror. We have a truck being driven into crowds of families celebrating. We have a military coup-d’etat in Turkey which has left two hundred people dead. And just when you think it's settled down and we can start pointing out that cleavage isn't news or start comparing Google’s latest innovation to Skynet, cops are being gunned down and a little boy is being held hostage. Sometimes a glib ‘man’s inhumanity to man’ or ‘religion's bodycount continues to mount’ doesn't quite do it justice.
But seriously guys, it's not that hard: stop fucking killing each other you goddamned motherfucking arsewombles.
Please.
Reading the news so you don't have to…
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