The news in brief 30th November 2014

The news in brief celebrity special:

Man poses for picture

Minor fender-bender still making headlines 24 hours later

Woman wears black dress

Woman wears green dress

Woman wears silver dress

Act voted off of reality TV show

Woman conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Dramatic thing set to happen in soap opera

Woman’s sex life is somehow our business

Paparazzi intrudes on family day out

Woman dresses appropriately for the weather

Man and woman caught leaving work at the end of the day (but apparently only woman’s clothes need judging)

Stop the press: man sells house

Parent caught parenting

Family’s coats aren’t even a little bit similar

Woman updates social media

Pregnant woman looks pregnant and dresses accordingly

Paparazzi takes picture of little girl (which is pretty weird when you think about it)

Newspaper critiques little girl’s clothes (which is also, pretty fucking weird)

Cleavage!

Nudes in brief: Kendall Jenner  

And finally: Woman wears wig

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

 

   

The news in brief 29th November 2014:

The news in brief:

Exclusive: general public don’t seem to realise that it’s not December

Newspaper dictates what you’ll enjoy next year

Supermarket invents Black Saturday

Minor fender-bender blown out of all proportion (glad everyone’s all right though)

Shock: singers look older ten years later

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Website confuses product placement for news

Alternative arrangements for sick teenager pretty piss poor

Egypt starting to look a bit hairy

Sleeping pills to blame for criminal activity (maybe)

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Driver forgets how friction works

Corrupt landlord rents out Ewok village

Yesterday: KIDS IN TYNE AND WEAR TESTED FOR EBOLA!

Today: a tiny article buried under the main stories, telling us they’re all clear.

Squirrel terrorises playground

Nightmare spa doesn’t sound at all relaxing

Newspaper helpfully labels cannabis factory

Study states the obvious: keep your fucking kitchen clean

Nudes in brief: Bai Ling

And finally: Thai police wage war on parasols

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

 

   

The news in brief 28th November 2014

The news in brief Black Friday special:

Well done Britain. You've successfully commercialised another holiday. And this one wasn't even ours!

'A customer in a wheelchair has had a TV dropped on them and a security guard has been punched' - Sky News 28.11.2014

‘Because only in America [do] people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have – Codeblack Comedy, via Facebook 28.11.2014

‘Get in there fast and if anyone gets in your way, catch them with your elbow’ – Genuine overheard conversation between two little old ladies.  

Police called to supermarket to break up pillaging idiots

Shoppers desperate for cut-priced consumer goods break the Internet

Website condemns Black Friday madness but kinda condones it too

People apparently need lots of TVs

And in other news:

Man’s inhumanity to buffalo continues apace

Woman forgets how to parent

Newspaper enjoys a bit of cyberbullying

Study states the obvious: watching the telly is NOT exercise

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Stop the presses: snow forecast for December

Anonymous weirdo probably a crackpot

Internet loses its shit over movie trailer

Deadly dihydrogen monoxide kills 1000 people a day!

Science is fucking awesome: black hole appears to piss all over laws of physics

Nudes in brief: Irina Shayk

And finally: Finland legalise people marrying the people they love  

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 26th November 2014

 A blog post from the archives:

Man am I sick of this one. Just to be clear:

"A controversy emerged over changing the language of 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' in Britain from 1986, because, it was alleged in the popular press, it was seen as racially dubious. This was based only on a rewriting of the rhyme in one private nursery as an exercise for the children there and not on any local government policy. A similar controversy emerged in 1999 when reservations about the rhyme were submitted to Birmingham City Council by a working group on racism in children's resources, which were never approved or implemented. Two private nurseries in Oxfordshire in 2006 altered the song to "Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep", with black being replaced with a variety of other adjectives, like "happy, sad, hopping" and "pink". Commentators have asserted that these controversies have been exaggerated or distorted by some elements of the press as part of a more general campaign against political correctness."

And before anyone points out its from Wikipedia, here's the source material. Check it for yourselves.

Curran, J.; Petley, J.; Gaber, I. (2005). Culture wars: the media and the British left. Edinburgh: Edinburgh University Press. pp. 85–107. ISBN 0748619178.
Cashmore, E. (2004). Encyclopedia of Race and Ethnic Studies. London: Taylor & Francis. p. 321. ISBN 0415286743.
"Nursery opts for 'rainbow sheep'". BBC News Education. 2006-03-07. Retrieved 2008-02-04.

Seriously. I'd appreciate greatly if petty hatemongers on the Internet got their facts straight before they made arguments that made them sound like dangerous fucktards.

The news in brief 25th November 2014

The news in brief:

Mad suggestion that we should help people with a mental illness BEFORE they hurt people

Apparently, average reader only manage first sentence before getting angry and commenting

Internet literally full of ignorant cunts   

No really – guns do kill people

Media helps propel self-fulfilling prophecy

Ebola!  

Minor customer service issue handled appropriately by supermarket is somehow news

I know it’s not Sunday but ‘Man uses public transport’

Study states the obvious: junk food is bad for you

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Government clearly hasn’t seen Winter Soldier yet…

Sleeping naked will save us all!

Nobody wants to lend money to far-right crackpots

Medieval justice system ruins another life

The whole Internet loses its shit over another trailer

Nudes in brief: Carmen Electra

And finally: Earth tries to eat Australia

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

 

   

The news in brief 24th November 2014

The news in brief:

Newspaper glorifies war

Real hero still largely unrecognised

No shit: discount retailer sells things at a discount

Product placement is NOT news

Architect a bit short-sighted

Medieval morality reverts to the Stone Age

Study states the obvious: bed-surfing is not conducive to studying

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

News website finds article from 1892…

Internet loses its shit over movie trailer

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

BBC remembers those Occupy guys…

Home secretary clearly hasn’t seen Winter Soldier

Apparently planning laws are more like guidelines

Baby survives against all odds   

Study suggests vegetables are good for you

Teachers allegedly a bit heavy handed

Google secretly working on Skynet (maybe)

Nation finds it hard to comprehend that women are, in fact, people

Nudes in brief: Lara Bingle

And finally: BMI condemns perfectly healthy little boy  

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 23rd November 2014

The news in brief celebrity special:

Woman dresses appropriately for the weather

Photographer intrudes on woman’s vacation

Model poses for photograph

Journalist’s private life somehow our business now

Woman doesn’t dress appropriately for the weather

Wild speculation (I mean, she could be on the phone to her doctor for all you know…)

Woman updates social media

Woman wears dress

Stop the press: celebrity gets voted off reality TV show

Photographer intrudes on family day out

Look here, The Daily Mail, Seth Rogan isn’t being a ‘helpful husband’ by ‘helping his wife with the groceries,’ unless you’re implying that food shopping is the woman’s job…   

Scandal: Actor wears comfortable clothes  

Shock: child looks a bit like her mum…

Pregnant woman looks pregnant

Actress has legs

Cleavage!

Woman wears comfortable clothes – why is this news?!

Woman has hair cut

Hold the front page: man owns tracksuit

Nudes in brief: Miley Cyrus  

And finally: designer not so good at Christmas

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 20th November 2014

The news in brief:

Pro tip: it’s not actually hacking if you leave it unlocked

Municipality has too much time on its hands

Border security not entirely to blame

New bus fuel is shit

Hand driers will kill us all

Study states the obvious: it pays to suck up to the boss

Economy a bit shit

Cats make rubbish dogs

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Nature reminds the human race who’s in charge

People act like cunts on the Internet

Disrespectful cunts try to steal memorial

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Carer forgets how to person

Weather set to get more wintery over the next few weeks

Activists told to deactivate

Winnie the Pooh probably not a ‘sexually deviant hermaphrodite’

(I mean, it’d be weirder if E H Shepard HAD drawn his spam javelin)   

People want woman sacked for having an opinion

North Korea getting a bit hairy

Hey, Utah – maybe you could just not execute people at all…

Nudes in brief: Soraja Vucelic  

And finally: Swedish Woman’s group want a word for female masturbation to be officially recognised - and they’re open to suggestions….  

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 19th November 2014

The news in brief:

So, the dude packs up his shit and ships out to Sierra Leone to help battle the ebola outbreak.

But then he contracts ebola and gets flown home for experimental treatment and spends the flight terrified, but grateful at least that if this is it for him, he will be made comfortable by our health care system. 

So the drugs work and he's all better and what does he do? He packs up his shit and gets back out there into the action. What. A. Guy.

And the most metal thing of all is this awesome quote:

'… I'm a nurse and this is where they need nurses.'

Badass motherfucker

Reading the news so you don't have to...

The news in brief 18th November 2014

The news in brief:

Telegraph says what we’re all thinking

Hotel comes up with novel way of handling complaints

Turns out there’s crime on the Internet

Mother is pretty fucking hardcore

Crime fighting reindeer are a thing now

Study states the obvious: Germans like beer

Fool me once Tony Hawk, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me…

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Man bites the hand that feeds him

Seals’ inhumanity to penguins continues apace

Organic matter found – in outer fucking space!

….either the whole Internet has fallen for it, or the hoverboard is real this time

Economy still a bit shit

Woman is really hard to please

Bunch of cunts totally get what they deserve

Keyboard warrior doesn’t understand numbers with more than two decimal places

Why exactly does a 5 year-old need an Instagram account?

Strange light probably not a UFO… (although we did just find organic matter on a comet)

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

PANIC!

Headline / content mismatch

Medieval justice system releases man jailed for being gay

Nudes in brief: why are we bothering at the minute? All I want is some different boobs

And finally: locals trick neo-nazis into raising money for anti-fascist group

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 17th November 2014

The news in brief:

Breaking news: science fiction film not 100% realistic

Shocking revelation that nerds like Lego

Global chocolate shortage!

Statistics prove you can prove anything with statistics  

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Economy a bit shit

Man is a gigantic douche – live on TV!

Study states the obvious: vegetables are good for you

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Soap opera character returns from beyond the grave – wait, didn’t we have one of these last week?!

Woman’s arse still inexplicably making headlines

Ebola!

Church formally accepts that women are people too

Health and fucking safety

Bird flu will ruin Christmas!

Medieval morality strikes again

Boris Johnson tells it like it is

Woman is quite sensitive about her name

Ukraine getting a bit hairy again

Somewhat surprised that sending a single sexy text message to an under 16 isn’t illegal already

Nudes in brief: well, there’s a fucking surprise…

And finally: business didn’t accept death certificate – so frustrated customer brings them the remains

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 16th November 2014

Sorry we didn’t update yesterday – frightfully rude, I know – but we had a houseguest and time ran away with us…

The news in brief celebrity special:

Attention-seeking hyper-bitch strikes again

News website enjoys a bit of cyberbullying

Woman fails to adhere to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Website doesn’t like woman’s dress   

Woman has the audacity to dress comfortably whilst running errands

Paparazzi catches actress walking. Alone. Outside.

Woman wears dress

Model does her job

Woman updates social media

Actress conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Actress performs fictional role in film

Photographer catches couple walking. Together. Outside.

Scandal: host says FUCK on tea-time telly  

Paparazzi intrudes on family day out

Kim Kardashian’s arse is still inexplicably news…

Stop the press: woman gets life to the hair dressers

Cleavage!

Woman wears clothes appropriate for the weather

Outrage: 49 year-old actress has the impudence to wear flattering underwear.  

Woman wears gym wear - whilst exercising!

Seriously?! Four separate stories about that woman’s backside. Really? Really?!

Nudes in brief: You’ll never guess who…

And finally: woman wears jumper 

Reading the ‘news’ so you don’t have to…

 

The news in brief 14th November 2014

The news in brief:

242 joyless cretins entirely miss the point

Study states the obvious: tiger may just be ‘big cat’

Love overcomes physical limitations

Science is motherfucking awesome

Veteran exploited by right-wing crazies

Hackers are out to get you!

Ebola!

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Probe has uncovered secrets of life’s origins here on earth… or maybe not

According to the telegraph, apparently the 2026 world cut will be held IN HELL!

(Either the Telegraph has been hacked or its swapped jobs with The Onion…)

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Contrary to media hysteria, not every celebrity in the 1970s was a paedophile…

People act like cunts on the Internet

Poundland’s Frozen merchandise story starting get old now

Yawn… another children’s toy that totally doesn’t swear.

Pro tip: if you bleep the video at the moment the toy ‘swears,’ how do we know you’re not just full of shit? (We did some actual journalism and checked)

Traffic lights are totally sexist – but don’t worry, Germany’s on the case

Medieval morality forced to acknowledge that gays are, in fact, people

Man is a gigantic prick

Newspaper flexes its hypocrite muscle and enjoys a bit of cyberbullying

Nudes in brief: Kim Kardashian (again)

And finally:  woman had all the symptoms of death (but got better)

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The news in brief 12th and 13th November 2014

The news in brief:

General public not too sure how politics works

Shadow cabinet minister too clear on how it works either

Vile woman continues her mission to offend everyone on earth

Right-wing group struggle to remember dates

Attention-seeking hyper-bitch in trouble again

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Woman’s backside occupies disproportionate amount of column inches

Science is fucking awesome!

Weather to become increasingly wintery over next few weeks

Newspaper has only just realised you can change Facebook’s language to ‘pirate.’

Maybe next week they will discover Keyboard Cat and the Dancing Baby…  

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Towels will kill us all!

Bird caught doing bird stuff

Ebola!

Indistinct blur probably not a UFO  

Jessica Ennis-Hill’s Jessica Ennis-Hill Stand stand  

Christmas advert has all the feels

Mass hysteria!

Amazon ready to unleash drone armada

Study states the obvious: some people just live longer than others

Nudes in brief: Eastenders

And finally: double donut burger is probably bad for you

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 11th November 2014

The news in brief:

…

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 10th November 2014

The news in brief:

Newspaper is a scaremongering little troublemaker

Twitter calls them out of their bullshit

Misleading headline

Routine exercise reported as major international incident

Exclusive interview surprises no-one

Archbishop suggests we should try not being dicks to each other

Couple exploits loophole to show medieval justice system that love is all you need  

Government is not impressed

Turns out money can’t buy you love

Hilarious spelling mistake

Leisure Centre rewards lack of imagination

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace  

Technology is fucking terrifying…

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Extreme accidental upskirts!

Man doesn’t recognise someone – and this is somehow news

Manufacturer slays dragons

Economy ‘not that shit’

Ebola!

White supremacy group relaxes its entry requirements

New antibiotics are total horseshit

Study states the obvious: exercise is good for you

Nudes in brief: Jena Malone

And finally: theme park bans single adults just in case they are paedophiles...

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The news in brief 9th November 2014

The news in brief celebrity special:

Macaulay Culkin definitely still alive

Woman caught parenting

Paparazzi intrudes on family day out

New mother is not ‘debuting’ child. She just went outside. Fucking vultures.

Stop the press: singer sings song – on television!

Woman wears leotard

Man’s sex life is somehow our business

Wild speculation

Someone’s (alleged) sexual partner being ‘plus-sized’ doesn’t make it news

Woman wears dress

Woman caught walking her dog

Woman updates social media   

Newspaper indulges in a bit of cyber-bullying

Coat looks nothing like the Cookie Monster

Woman conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Woman wears dress

Man conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty (for a change)

Two ‘stories’ objectifying a male celebrity?! Not quite what we’re looking for, but it’s a step in the right direction.

Cleavage! (sigh)

Couple caught getting a snack

Two consenting adults caught smooching – in public!  

Newspaper doesn’t like woman’s shoes

Nudes in brief: Bradley Cooper – that makes three! 

And finally: popular Internet outlet a big, smelly, dirty, fucking hypocrite  

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The news in brief 8th November 2014

The news in brief:

Billionaire reveals secret to success

Tyne and Wear Metro pretty fucked

Sports fans decides man NOT entitled to his own beliefs

People act like pricks on the Internet

Medieval legal system set to progress from 5^th to 6^th Century

Child actor NOT dead

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount  

‘Mind control’ worryingly a thing now

America’s most expensive house is pretty fucking expensive

MP accused of economic shenanigans 

York very keen for bacon sandwiches

Local newspaper tells us how many pigs were hurt, but nothing about the drivers…

Threats of a new Cold War as The Fall of the Berlin Wall is remembered

Giant phallus splits Sydney (yeah, you read that right…)    

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Skynet’s gonna put you and your grandchildren out of work!

Weather set to become wintery

Study states the obvious: discount supermarket cheaper than non-discount supermarket

Newspaper clearly doesn’t know how much chips cost…

Terrible woman forgets how to person

Nudes in brief: Keira Knightley (but for once this isn’t gratuitous news boobs)   

Yep, child actor definitely still alive (thank you Wikipedia)

And finally: Actor helps restore faith in humanity

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 7th November 2014

The news in brief 6th November 2014

The news in brief:

Look, we don't want to wade in on the whole Gays versus Bakery debate. People should be able to buy a cake without prejudice.  But at the same time, I can see why we shouldn't vilify an artist who turns down a commission that makes them uncomfortable. 
Still, something about this story does bother us:

Bert and Ernie are not gay.

Or if they are, they certainly aren't gay with each other. Mostly because it's a show for pre-schoolers and nobody is actually boning anybody.

Sesame Street is probably the most progressive children's show ever made. It's tackled being mixed race (remember the monster that was half Honker and half Dinger?), death, divorce and in one of its foreign iterations,  having HIV. It doesn't talk down and it doesn't hold back.

If Bert and Ernie were gay, they'd have had a wedding episode by now. (And not a gay wedding either, just a wedding,  because Sesame Street doesn't create division where none needs to exist). Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch would gave been groomsmen and Count von Count would have performed the ceremony:

'One! One ring!'
'Two! Two rings!'
'Mwa ha ha ha!'
*flash of lightning*

Admit it. You just did the voice in your head.

It would have been amazing and a solid two-fingers up at the small-minded fucknuts of this world who still think that two people who love each other shouldn't get married because there's one less vagina (or one too many) than their own standards of morality can handle.

But they're not: They're two dudes who share a house, share a bedroom, (but not beds, despite what Internet tries to tell you,) and are best friends.  It's a bromance.

I'm not so hot at baking but I can whip up a pretty neat Dumbledore cake, or a Willow and Tara if you like, or Chromedome and Rewind...

Reading the news so you don't have to... 

The news in brief 5th November 2014

The news in brief:

MP struggles to understand difficult concepts like ‘competition’ and ‘free market economy.’

People are less concerned about their energy bills

Ebola!

Minor administration error masquerading as news

Millions of obsessed fangirls’ hearts shattered into a billion pieces

Headteacher a bit heavy handed

People are more concerned about their energy bills

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Politics or Star Wars: Republicans take control of the Senate

Mad suggestion that gays are people too

Medieval justice system fails to recognise difference between ‘homosexual’ and ‘transgender.’

Pro tip: If a spider eats a person, it’s not cannibalism. If a spider eats a spider, it’s perfectly normal behaviour and not remotely news worthy. Just saying.

People act like cunts on the Internet

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace     

Old people go wild!

Terrible human beings forget how to person

Health and fucking safety

Bureaucracy: 1, Common sense: 0

Attack of the harmless, normal-sized ladybirds!

Media dictates what your kids want for Christmas this year

Google outright promises to build Skynet

Nudes in brief: Millie Mackintosh

And finally: The husky behind Kim Jong-Un is totally banging that cat…   

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 4th November 2014

The news in brief:

Humanity continues its slow march towards Mutually Assured Destruction

Woooooo! Democracy!

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Ebola!

Cereal Café sounds pretty fucking amazing

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

#Parklife!  

Exclusive: council jobsworths not interested in doing job

Study suggests that it’s okay for 13-year-olds to bump uglies… WTF?!

Worm nuggets sound pretty tasty to us

Attack of the vampire deer

Apparently shift work makes you stupid

Science is fucking awesome

Tribunal rules that people should be paid for work they don’t do?

Economy gets a bit more shit

Soap characters to return from beyond the grave

Medieval morality claims yet more lives

News wheels out another giant spider story

Seriously – 13 year olds should not be doing it with anyone – under any circumstances

Indistinct grey blur probably not a ghost

Lack of common sense in some stupid bellends means that everyone is penalised  

Nudes in brief: Rihanna

And finally: There’s no ‘and finally’ today. Instead we’re going to have a quiet minute to think about the poor man who had to turn off the life-support machines on his premature-born twins whilst his wife is still in a coma. We also hope that the neighbours who heard the intercom buzzing and didn’t get up and let the paramedics in have a hard time sleeping for a very, very long while. But hey, you weren’t expecting anyone…

Reading the news so you don’t have to…  

The news in brief 3rd November 2014

The news in brief:

Being short will kill us all! (well, maybe not us tall people)

Minor administrative error blown out of all proportions

Study states the obvious: fossil fuels are not a limitless resource

Pilot really needed a drink

Japan kicked Scotland’s arse (at whisky making, anyway)

Economy still a bit shit

Britain’s roads are pretty shitty too

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount  

£120,000 of tax payer money wasted on advice a five-year-old could give

Man takes job really fucking seriously

News website has opinions about not-so-sexy calendars

Media rolls out its annual X-Factor fix story

Outrage: businesses make money    

Human race goes mad for Pumpkin Spice latte

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

World Trade Centre re-opens for business

Ebola!

Newsflash: human beings come in a variety of shapes and sizes

What kind of dirty, twat-faced horse-fucker steals a charity tin?

Headline reads “Doctor who pocketed £29,000 in sick pay…” not “Doctor Who pocketed £29,000 in sick pay…” We totally read that wrong.

Nudes in brief: Lady Gaga

And finally: cats with moustaches (or should that be mouse-staches… troll lol lol lol)  

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The news in brief 2nd November 2014

The news in brief celebrity special:

Shock: two consenting adults share a quick kiss in a supermarket!

Couple goes outside together

Woman has abdominal muscles

Man’s clearly athletic physique apparently not worth mentioning

Newspaper disapproves of woman’s fashion choices

Paparazzi intrudes on private moment

Woman wears dress

Celebrity is voted off of reality television show

Celebrity is NOT voted off of reality television show

Woman updates social media

Paparazzi intrudes on family day out

Stop the press: mother caught parenting

Headline suggests woman is in the wrong for NOT wearing a sexy Halloween costume?!

Woman conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Woman wears clothes appropriate to the weather

Outrage: actress goes outside without wearing make up (how very dares she?!)

   

Newspaper approves of woman’s sexy Halloween costume

Footballer has wicked sense of humour

Maybe she wouldn’t have to cover her head with a blue jumper if newspapers stopped paying paparazzi for ‘woman walks through car park after eating out’ pictures. Arseholes.

Woman failed to conform to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Nudes in brief: Jade Thirlwall

And finally: singer should have charged the spider rent…

Reading the ‘news’ so you don’t have to… 

The news in brief 1st November 2014

The news in brief:

We haven’t forgotten the Virgin Galactic story – we’re in this for the shits and giggles and there’s nothing funny about that.

Monopoly is NOT an accurate representation of real life

Man absconds with bank’s money

School rules a bit heavy-handed

News creates panic about routine activity

Newsflash: cartoons are NOT meant to be accurate representation of real life

Newspaper enjoys a bit of cyberbullying

Freedom is the right of all sentient being – except during the Poppy Appeal, apparently

Irony lost on commentators

News can’t make its mind up about the environment…

Pro tip: Looking like Hitler doesn’t actually make you like Hitler

Man’s inhumanity to kitty cats continues apace

Blurry shapes probably not a ghost

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount - and it’s not just the fatalities that are utterly tragic…

Ebola!

Labour promises to make politics more like Star Wars

Okay – meat is now good for you – get it in before they change their minds again

Study states the obvious: people generally like sex

Teaching a toddler to ‘twerk’ is probably not a Good Idea

Diana Watch 2014: royal writer dredges up stories about mother of two who died more than 17 years ago…   

Man seems destined to not make it across the ocean

Nudes in brief: Jodie Marsh (nearly)

And finally: what on earth made ‘clambering onto a dead whale’ seem like a good idea?

Reading the news so you don’t have to…